When I was younger, I read about a man who had a very beautiful parrot. He was the only one in his village who had a parrot. You can always see him feeding his parrot or walking along with his parrot on his shoulder. The parrot was his only friend in the village.
One problem; he was a poor man. Though poor he was a polished gentleman.
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One day, a beautiful lady came into the village with her son looking for
where to stay. Fortunately for the young man, the lady moved in to an
apartment close to his own.
He loved this lady very much and he desired to have her as a wife. He asked her out severely and the lady turned down his advances. She stated that she couldn't accept to be a wife as her son was one that needed special care and attention and she was not ready to share the love she had for her son with any other man.
The lady however was not so fond of parrots as they reminded her of her husband who left her to go war and did not return. His death was also not announced. Instead of giving up, he persisted and kept away his parrot at home.
He loved her and was willing to do anything for her. He would go to her house, stay and play with her and also keep the boy company while keeping the parrot at home. The parrot would sing beautiful songs that would filter through the vicinity to the home of this lady which was also the new home for the man.
The songs made the boy happy. He smiled and played to the tunes of the bird. Still, the woman declined having him bring the parrot along with him.
He was happy as long as she was happy. He never complained nor tried to convince her.
As days turned to weeks, the young man tried asking the lady to his home for a treat, a chance for a date away from her son. She refused.
He persuaded her again and again. She would not bulge.
It became obvious that it was never going to happen.
Gently, he started to withdraw from her and stayed at home with his parrot. Since he was always at home now, the parrot sang less and tried played more with his friend who was now a shadow of his former happy self.
He grew moody thinking about the lady and her son and the moments he had with them. Those moments were his most joyful times with human beings. He could only compare the thrills he had with them with when he newly got his parrot.
Two weeks after he decided to stop visiting the woman and her son, very early in the morning, he heard a light knock on his window. A familiar voice called out his name in the kindest of tones.
He rose up immediately to see who it was. Lo and behold, his guess was right. It was his heartthrob.
"Good morning my lady."
"Good morning sire. I hope you are well?"
"Thank you my lady, I am well. What about you? Huh, please come inside."
"I am well too. I am here because of a special request and I will be glad if you could oblige me this one thing."
"Anything for you my lady. Ask away."
"It's concerning my son."
"That's okay, tell me; anything and I'll do my best."
"Can I come back and ask in the afternoon. I hope you won't mind?"
"Are you sure it is not urgent? Why don't you ask right away?"
"You have done so much for me and my son and I appreciate all you have done up till now. This is not urgently needed but it will be when I come back for it in the afternoon. Please do well to stay at home and wait for me. I will come at midday."
"Since you say it is not urgent but you will be coming in the afternoon, can I consider it a date then?"
"If you so wish, a date it is. But remember, I will come by midday and it will be urgent."
"Alright my lady. Farewell until then."
Then she left.
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After she left, the man decided to go into the forest and get herbs to prepare her favourite soup. He also attempted to kill an animal for meat but he could not find.
An hour to midday, he started preparing the soup without any meat. He thought about it for a while and decided; his parrot could suffice as meat for the soup. It was his first date with the lady. Even though he was not sure, he felt he had a good chance of changing her mind during the date.
If she agrees to marry him, he would be the happiest man in the world. It was worth everything he had.
Without blinking an eye, he slaughtered his parrot and cut him to pieces for the soup.
Midday approached and the lady was nowhere to be found. He waited another hour and still she did not show up.
He packed up the soup and made for her house.
He met her kneeling down beside her dying son. He knelt down and asked to know what had happened.
With tears in her eyes she explained to him how the boy had yearned for the songs of his parrot and would not eat. He had fallen sick and she took him to a physician who then requested that the boy be given what he requested for.
She was ashamed of asking him for the same thing that she made it clear to him that she hated. Her plans were to come to his house and request for the bird but the boy's conditions grew worse.
In a solemn tone, she asked if he would grant this her one request and go back home and bring the bird, maybe something could still be done to revive her son.
He was shocked. He could not explain himself.
He only directed her gaze to the pot of soup he dropped on the center table. There laid the remedy.
They both sat there and cried in each other's arms as they watched the son breathe his last.
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Three days after, the husband of the lady arrived. He had been captured by the enemies. Now, he was able to escape and had been searching for his wife and son.
He was grieved with the news of the passing of his son. However, he was back to take his wife away to live happily ever after.
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And that was how the man who owned a parrot sacrificed his only companion for the love of a woman he was yet to have.
LESSONS I LEARNT
When getting into a new relationship, often we tend to lose our identities just to conform to the image of those we love. We tend to abandon previous relationships just to pursue one that seems beyond our reach. We make the happiness of the other person our priority so much that we lose our joy in the process.
In our quest to prove our love, especially for those who require none from us, we go extra miles. We do what we would have sworn before that we could never do.
In one unthinking moment, you would let go of
- Your Pride
- Your Dignity
- Friends
- Family
- Savings
- Beliefs
- Faith
- Integrity
- Dreams
- Opportunities
Just to please someone else who many a times would not even do the same for you.
Your old friends suddenly become boring.
Your wife suddenly looks old and ugly.
Your church suddenly becomes outdated and you can now see clearly the flaws of your pastor.
You now consider your principles as being too rigid. What is love without compromise you say.
The same set of principles that kept you all along till you met this new Angel?
The same friends that were there for you during your worst moments? Now they are boring and of low class?
I would love to go on and on but I'm sure you get the message.
Before you make that heavy sacrifice in the name of love, ask yourself sincere questions.
- Would this other person do the same for you if they were in your shoes?
- What if your relationship with this person eventually ends, this bridge you are burning, would it be required to get back home?
- Asides this euphoria, does it make sense?
- Are you sacrificing something that makes you happy?
Depending on the situation, even while your emotions tries to sway you, your senses will tell you the truth. It's just that most times we ignore logic in favour of emotions when it comes to love... and the truth is that logic works best when it comes to love.
At the end, that which you sacrificed might be same reason why the other person leaves.
You're sacrificing your education to keep a lady? She'll later tell you she can not continue with an illiterate.
You're sacrificing your virginity or sexual purity for a man? He'll later tell you he has been warned to stay away from ungodly relationships.
You're wasting time with him or her when you're supposed to be working on bringing your dreams to reality? Very soon, you'll wake up to hear that they can not imagine life with someone like you who does not dream big. They won't even mind that your biggest dream is to spend the rest of your life with them.
Oh, you're aborting several times just to keep him and keep allowing his flair for having his way without protection? I don't need to explain anything to you. You know what will happen to you already.
You made them realize your love for basketball and they choose to seek for your attention mostly during the period you're supposed to be practicing? When they leave you, you'll hate them and hate basketball because of them.
Do you have to hide your faith when you're with them because you feel it makes them inconvenient? Guess what? They know. And they won't stand with someone who can not stand by their convictions.
They are hurting you and instead of speaking up, you're hiding it and smiling. He knows he's stepping on your toes darling, he's just sure you will not complain, so he keeps doing it. You know he will meet a lady who will lash out at him for something little and he will fall in love with that attribute right? Yea, you're just too soft for him. He will tell you he does not want to hurt you (..after hurting you so badly).
And you're stealing from your parents just to satisfy her. Who told you she wants to marry a petty thief? Oh, you never saw it that way. Interesting.
And the most common one; he warns you about your friends calling them bad and asking you to quit walking with them just because he feels intimidated by their class and he feels they will make you proud and not submissive to him. I'm sure you know that when he starts beating you up for coming home an hour late from work, you would regret cutting ties with those same friends and families.
The moment you accept the first compromise, it gets harder to go back. Like someone rightly said, the issue with crossing lines is that beyond those lines we get lost and do not know where we belong to again.
The deeper you go in this mess, the hotter it gets.
He will not change for you.
She will not change for you.
Stop dreaming. If they love you, it will bring you peace and not make you apprehensive or reduce your self worth.
If they love you, love edifies. It builds. It does not destroy you. It does not defile you. It does not make you consistently angry. Along with the happiness will come mutual understanding and tolerance.
Let me be plain to you, that attitude you're keeping away from him or her; that addiction you're keeping a secret, it will only get worse. The best thing is to fight it, for yourself and not for them. Don't hide it to make them accept you, work on it to make yourself a better person.
Finally, remember: Your Happiness is Your Responsibility.
Before you make that commitment, count the cost.
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